August 2011
16 posts
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Sneak Attacks are NOT cool
The phrase “Sneak Attack” comes from when my friend was on a date and the dude went in for the hug at the end of the date and then when he was coming out of the hug he sneak attack kissed her. So not cool. She was not expecting it and she was not prepared for it.
Men of the world: women don’t like it when you sneak attack them. Surprises are good, sneak attacks are not.
Fast...
July 2011
29 posts
4 tags
10 yr High School Reunion
I’m slightly freaking out about my 10 year high school reunion next month. I have NO CLUE what to wear. I did a little dress shopping yesterday in a couple of stores and online but didn’t really see anything. I’ve been working out a lot lately, mostly to reduce stress, but also in hopes to get a bangin’ high school reunion bod. But all that seems to be happening is my...
LOL. People are funny!
clientsfromhell:
Me: I just need to know if you have a Mac or a PC?
Client: (Pauses for a few seconds) I have a Dell.
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License Plate LOL
I saw the best personalized license plate. It simply said “PFFF”. It made me lol.
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Really dude?!?
So I gave a dude my number last Friday night. I got a text from him today at 9:52 pm. It was the first text I’ve received from him. It said, “my friend and I play at XXXXXXX tonight. if you don’t have anything going on feel free to stop by.” All I have to say is OMFG SRSLY? You are going to ask me out for the first time A.) The Day of. B.) At 9:52 pm C.) To...
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My friends are..
My friends are ridiculous. Two of them bought $150 work of meat out of the back of some random dude’s truck in south city st. louis. SRSLY? They cooked it last night at a BBQ. It looked disgusting. WTF?!? It was totally amusing though. I heard a couple people say they weren’t really sure what they were actually eating… That’s scary. Really scary. Glad I’m a...
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Dear Online Dating Suitors,
If you message me “your hot” I am NOT going to respond. And the reason why I’m NOT going to respond is because it should be “you’re hot”. OMG. SRSLY.
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Ugh
Today sucked balls. I want a redo. Give me my precious day of life back!!!
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Oh no...
In a moment of boredom I reactivated my online dating profile. Oh nooooo.. What did I do??!?!!? Let the shenanigans begin…
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Retainer
So I dug out my old retainer since my teeth were shifting and they were starting to get bad. I feel so unsexy wearing this thing. Each night that I wear it, I put it in my mouth (that’s what she said) and sing myself a little song that goes something like this:
I’m too sexy for my retainer, too sexy for my retainer, so sexy it hurts.
I’m too sexy for crooked teeth, too sexy...
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Bubblegum Ice Cream
Growing up I remember going to this one ice cream shop near the pier in Ft. Myers, Florida when we would visit my grandparents. I always got bubblegum ice cream in a cup (not a fan of the cone). I would eat all the ice cream around the bubblegum balls. Then at the end I would put ALL the gum balls in my mouth (that’s what she said) and chew the biggest most disgusting wad of nasty colored...
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South Side Country Club Lingerie
I am definitely sporting some serious South Side Country Club Lingerie. After getting good sun poolside at the SSCC my tan lines are getting bad. It looks like I have on lingerie when naked. Really, really pale lingerie. The concept actually comes from a friend of mine. Some girlfriends and I went to Mexico together one spring break and I asked my friend what she was getting her boyfriend as...
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Change in plans
Ok so the guy I was dating told me out of the blue that he was no longer interested in dating me. This was quite a shock. Normally, I am not that bad about reading people. Normally, I see the signs and am able to understand them. But in this case I was really blindsided. Shit happens. That is life. You live and you learn and you move on. The thing about it is that I, once again, have been...
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ARMS by Christina Perri
There are some really beautiful parts to Christina Perri’s song ARMS. For some reason this song really stands out for me. She has a sweetness and innocence to her voice and the vulnerability expressed is quite touching.
——————————————————- I tried my best to never let you in to see...
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Weekend To Do List
1. Read my book club book
2. Sleep-in like a mofo
3. Cuddle
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awk·ward / ôkwərd / Adjective
Definition: Ending up on the elliptical machine next to the married dude that hit on you at the bar a few weeks ago. And picking your wedgie right as he is walked by. SRSLY?
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Late night haikus, Yet Again...
I should be sleeping,
but my brain will not turn off.
Thinking lots of thoughts.
——————————————
Dear Sleep, I like you.
Do you want to spend the night?
Please check □ yes or □ no.
——————————————
Sleep would be so nice.
But...
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I am SO PISSED.
Sometimes the universe just doesn’t make sense. I am so angry right now. I am so mad I just don’t even know how to let this anger out. My dad just told me that some asshole broke in to my grandmother’s house while she was in the hospital recovering from having a fist-sized cancerous mass removed from her effing colon. Oh and it was on the 1 year anniversary of my...
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Shatterday Nights
One of the things I miss THE MOST about my hometown/college town is a dance club that sadly no longer exists which was called Shattered. On Saturday nights they would have a totally rockin’ 80s dance party. My friends and I frequented Shatterday nights. There weren’t any douche bag dudes, there weren’t any shanktified chicks, and you could just come as you are and then dance...
